Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Time Alone with Papa
Many, many things happened this weekend that sparked ideas for posts here. But there is only one I am going to share right now, and by the end of this you will understand why I'm only posting one. It was Friday night. Bug was in bed all a snooze, Josh was watching tv, Papa Bear was doing paperwork, and I was perusing the internet for bread recipes. Papa Bear travels a lot for work, and even when home works looooong hours. We don't get much time together. Sometime around 10 I asked Josh to go to bed. Josh- Aren't you guys coming to bed too? Me- No, I want to stay up and spend some time with Daddy. Josh- But I don't want to go to bed alone. I'm going to be lonely. I want you to come with me. Me- No dude. We're staying up. I haven't seen Daddy all week. I want to spend some time with him. Josh- Well I haven't seen him all week either! I want to spend time with him too. Me- Josh, we just want some private time together, okay? Please go to bed, we'll be in later. Josh- Fine! I'm going to go to bed and I'm NEVER coming out! You can probably see that I wasn't doing a good job of addressing the needs under his words. I was being selfish until that last line snapped me out of it. He was really hurt, so I went into the bedroom to talk to him about it. Me- Hey, I can see you're upset. Do you want to talk about it? Josh- No! Me- *sits down next to his bed* Josh- Don't touch my bed. You don't have permission to touch my bed. Me- Sorry. *backs up* What's going on? Josh- Nothing. I don't want to talk about it! Me- I said or did something that upset you, didn't I? Josh- Hmmph. Me- Do you understand why I want to spend time with Daddy? He's my best friend. I don't see him as much as I'd like to, so when he is home I want to be sure to spend as much time with him as I can. Josh- Yeah, but I don't get to see him either. I know you see me more than Daddy. But when you see me you're always busy. You work too much. You always want to clean the house before Daddy gets home, and then after Daddy leaves you want to clean again. And then you have to go to the store and do other things and work on the computer. You're always too busy and you never spend time with me. Me- Okay, so you're saying you want me to spend more one-on-one time with you? (You may remember from an earlier post, that bedtime is usually our best one-on-one time with Josh, so he is understandably upset that we wanted to take that from him.) Josh- Yes. Me- Do you understand that the cleaning and errands are things that have to be done? If I never clean the house or go shopping we wouldn't have anything to eat, and the house would get filthy. We'd get sick if we lived like that. Its not healthy. Maybe you could clean up with me so its done faster? And we'd be doing it together. Josh- No, I don't want to clean. Me- That's fine, but you understand it has to be done, right? It would be irresponsible of me to let the house get filthy like that. Josh- I know.... but I just am not into cleaning. Me- And that's fine. That's my job as the parent to take care of those things. So I can't stop doing the housework, but I could do less work on the computer. That would give us more time together. Josh- That sounds good. Me- But I do need some time on there. How about I'll only work on the computer first thing in the morning, and while you're outside with you're friends? Would that work for you? Josh- Yes. Me- Okay. It's an agreement. *shakes pinky fingers with Josh* I'm going to go watch some tv with Daddy now. Do you want to come out with us? Josh- No, its okay. I'm sleepy. Me- Alright. We'll be to bed soon. Can I give you a hug? Josh- No. Me- A kiss? Josh- No. Me- Okay. I love you Buddy. Josh- Love you too.