Monday, April 25, 2016

 I wrote this years ago and just stumbled across it again. Perhaps others here have felt the same way.

When we first withdrew Josh from the public school system, we were met with some opposition from family. Out of love, they were concerned about whether we were doing what was best for him.
Now, 2 years later, we are still met with the same opposition as family members bring up their concerns yet again. I used to feel their concerns were out of love, but now I have trouble not feeling offended. I look at our children and think, what on earth do they see in them which makes them feel like we are making poor choices? They are healthy, happy, polite, respectful, courteous, (what others would deem 'well-behaved'). The speak intelligently. We have great dialogues. We don't have to coerce them into learning. We negotiate our problems. There is nothing which should give them the impression we are doing something wrong.
In contrast, when we used to send Josh to school and we would complain, "I got a call from his teacher today, he's acting up in school again. We tried spanking, we've grounded him, taken away his toys.This kid is out of control!" they never questioned our approaches. That was the "normal, acceptable" approach to parenting, so obviously we were doing the best that we could, and it was "normal" to be having such struggles with our son.
Now, seeing how home education works better for us, I think it actually upsets them that we DON'T struggle anymore. They may think- "I see them doing something different, and it works for them. What I did didn't work as well for me. Maybe I made a poor choice. But I don't want to question my choices, because that's too painful. So instead I'm going to question their choices. That's easier for me to deal with in my mind right now."
This situation is very frustrating for me. Home education has been the most positive life changing choice we have made. I can't force them to see that, but I can be patient and compassionate toward them as they hopefully work through their issues. After all, I used to think all homeschoolers were weird and look at me now, advocating for home education. We all start somewhere.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Cumulative Emotions

I realized yesterday how cumulative emotions are. Bug (5) got really upset by something I'd said, and was expressing his upset by crying and yelling and stomping. I sat with him for probably 20 minutes while he worked it all out. That might seem like a long time to be upset about something most people would find trivial, but it's what he needed. And now that he's expressed it fully, he doesn't carry it around with him to add to the next time he feels those feelings.
In working through my own past repressed feelings, I can say it's really hard. And it takes so much time. So much time, because it all adds up. Like rollover minutes, lol. So when you're in the throws of your child's emotions, maybe keep that in mind. You're doing yourself and them a huge favor by holding space for them to safely express themselves. All feelings are valid.