I don't want fear of me to be a motivator in anything my kids do.
I'm no neuroscientist, nor psychologist, so I can't tell you what chemicals or hormones flood the brain when one is afraid, or how studies show it will affect one's psyche. But I can tell you how fear tactics made me feel.
It didn't matter how the fear was induced or why, be it spanking or yelling or calmly voiced threats. In tho...se moments I felt scared, alone, unloved, unworthy. Whenever it came time for me to do whatever I was supposed to do (or not do), those feelings came back as a reminder keeping me in line.
Unfortunately sometimes it still happens doing everyday things. Even as an adult I can hear my parents' words, and those feelings return, however fleeting.
I don't want my children's most deeply rooted memories of me to be negative. When I am dead and gone, I don't want the words they hear in their heads to be threats or scoldings. I want them to hear words of encouragement and understanding. I want them to feel love and warmth and joy in the memories of our everyday activities.
I want them to know I loved them enough to find a better way