Yesterday I was having a rough day, particularly with Josh (8y). We were getting short with each other. I felt myself reverting back to my old ways of thinking- "He needs to listen to me, I'm his mother! I'm going to punish him for acting like this!" Other things were adding to the frustration. Bug (2y) threw a glass on the floor and happily declared, "I broke it!" I was going under and I needed some help.
I'd been talking with Dayna Martin a while back, and she'd offered me a coaching session. Yesterday was the day to cash it in.
We talked on the phone that afternoon. Just to start, it felt so good
talking with another mom who knew and understood what my goals are for
our family, and who wasn't judging me. I told her about the situation
with Josh that day, and the frustration of changing our parenting of him
in general. Her response was eye-opening, relieving, and uplifting. I'd
like to share it with you, because I think it will resonate with many
here as well.
Paraphrased, obviously- It sounds like you're
holding onto guilt about your past parenting choices with Josh. Know
that his acting out in anger is not because of how you used to act
toward him, but because he now has the freedom to express his full range
of emotions. You've had 30 years to learn to control how you express
your emotions, but he hasn't. He's learning and that's okay. This
lifestyle isn't about being happy and perfect 100% of the time, my kids
fight and get angry too, though it becomes less often as they get older.
It's about having the freedom to feel your feelings and express them
Her words had me in tears. I hadn't realized how
much guilt I was holding onto, nor the crazy ideal I was holding myself
to. We talked for 30 minutes and, not to gush, but, she was a fountain
of comfort and inspiration. She offers unschooling parenting sessions
through her website if you'd be interested in contacting her as well.