I'm So Excited For the Future

I love watching our boys explore whatever they choose to explore, to whatever depth they choose to explore it. Josh has been really into all of Neil deGrasse Tyson's films on Hulu and Netflix lately and is intrigued by quarks and spacetime and all that fun. He's looking up the scale of the universe and comparing the different types of quarks. It's amazing.

I get SO excited, like I can't even describe how excited, thinking about what he will be able to accomplish throughout his life, growing up unhindered by someone else's opinion of what he "should" be learning or doing every day.

Then I think of all the other children being raised similarly. This generation of free-thinkers is going to change the world in ways I can only imagine. 

Lyrid Meteor Shower

Last night we drove out to watch the Lyrid meteor shower. Packed the boys up in the car around 9pm, drove and drove up country roads to get away from light pollution. Bug (3y) fell asleep, not surprisingly. 

We found a nice place to park and Josh (9y) and I laid out on the top of the car chatting while we waited for our eyes to adjust. We explored the constellations, talked about how small we are in the universe, how old the light we saw was. It was really fabulous.

Until a june bug flew into my hair. There was screaming and flailing. Another one hit my arm. It was a full on attack. We left immediately. 

I will endure just about anything for my kids, but not june bugs. *shudder*

Cosmos vs Junk Food

Josh (9y) just came in from playing outside with friends. 

Me- Hey, I was thinking we could...

Josh- Watch the new episode of Cosmos!?! 

Me- I was going to say go get ice cream, actually. Want to pick up ice cream first, then watch Cosmos?

Josh- No way. Cosmos first. Education is way more important than junk food.

Meeting Continued Opposition

When we first withdrew Josh from the public school system, we were met with some opposition from family. Out of love, they were concerned about whether we were doing what was best for him.

Now, 2 years later, we are still met with the same opposition as family members bring up their concerns yet again. I used to feel their concerns were out of love, but now I have trouble not feeling offended. I look at our children and think, what on earth do they see in them which makes them feel like we are making poor choices? They are healthy, happy, polite, respectful, courteous, (what others would deem 'well-behaved'). They speak intelligently. We have great dialogues. We don't have to coerce them into learning. We negotiate our problems. There is nothing which should give them the impression we are not doing right by the kids.

In contrast, when we used to send Josh to school and we would complain, "I got a call from his teacher today, he's acting up in school again. We tried spanking, we've grounded him, taken away his toys.This kid is out of control!" they never questioned our approaches. That was the "normal, acceptable" approach to parenting, so obviously we were doing the best that we could, and it was "normal" to be having such struggles with our son.

Now, seeing how home education works better for us, I think it actually upsets them that we DON'T struggle anymore. They may think- "I see them doing something different, and it works for them. What I did didn't work as well for me. Maybe I made a poor choice. But I don't want to question my choices, because that's too painful. So instead I'm going to question their choices. That's easier for me to deal with in my mind right now." What they express as concern for our choices may actually be masked guilt or regret about their past choices.

This situation is very frustrating for me. Home education has been the most positive life changing choice we have made. I can't force them to see that, but I can be patient toward them as they hopefully work through their issues. After all, I used to think all homeschoolers were weird and look at me now, advocating for home education. We all start somewhere

Early Reading Skills in the Bathroom

Early Reading Skills Learned in The Bathroom

Bug (3yo)- I wanna turn the light on. 

Notices the letters on the switch...

Bug- O-N spells on! 

Flips the switch...

Bug- O-F-F does not spell on, O-F-F spells off!

cognitive dissonance

When we first withdrew Josh from the public school system, we were met with some opposition from family. Out of love, they were concerned about whether we were doing what was best for him.

Now, 2 years later, we are still met with the same opposition as family members bring up their concerns yet again. I used to feel their concerns were out of love, but now I have trouble not feeling offended. I look at our children and think, what on earth do they see in them which makes them feel like we are making poor choices? They are healthy, happy, polite, respectful, courteous, (what others would deem 'well-behaved'). The speak intelligently. We have great dialogues. We don't have to coerce them into learning. We negotiate our problems. There is nothing which should give them the impression we are doing something wrong.

In contrast, when we used to send Josh to school and we would complain, "I got a call from his teacher today, he's acting up in school again. We tried spanking, we've grounded him, taken away his toys.This kid is out of control!" they never questioned our approaches. That was the "normal, acceptable" approach to parenting, so obviously we were doing the best that we could, and it was "normal" to be having such struggles with our son.

Now, seeing how home education works better for us, I think it actually upsets them that we DON'T struggle anymore. They may think- "I see them doing something different, and it works for them. What I did didn't work as well for me. Maybe I made a poor choice. But I don't want to question my choices, because that's too painful. So instead I'm going to question their choices. That's easier for me to deal with in my mind right now."

This situation is very frustrating for me. Home education has been the most positive life changing choice we have made. I can't force them to see that, but I can be patient and compassionate toward them as they hopefully work through their issues. After all, I used to think all homeschoolers were weird and look at me now, advocating for home education. We all start somewhere.

Black Hole TShirt Demonstration

Last night Josh (9y) wanted to watch Cosmos, the episode about A Sky Full of Ghosts, again (On Fox! Also on Hulu Plus!). Space Time and Cosmic Speed Limits and Black Holes and Universes within Universes. So much fun.

Afterward we stretched a tshirt between Josh and Papa to represent the fabric of space time, and used bouncy balls and marbles to show how mass warps space time. Then we pretended we had something as massive as a black hole and tried to push the ball through the shirt to the floor, pulling the people holding the shirt toward each other and downward. It was an amazing demonstration of how black holes effect everything around them! Minds blown, thoughts racing everywhere!

At least I thought it was an amazing demonstration. I'm no astrophysicist though.

Evolution of Minecraft Agreements

The evolution of our agreements. Sometimes people have a hard time wrapping their brains around the idea of having a home with no rules. (Except for the NAP- non-aggression principle if you want to look it up. Still not technically a rule.) Our home runs, instead, on agreements. I thought I'd show you what that looks like for us, in regards to Josh (9y) playing Minecraft. To start, Josh wanted Minecraft. He purchased it with his own money and downloaded it onto my computer. Our original agreement was that he could play as much as he liked so long as I was not using the computer, and that whenever I wanted to use the computer he had 5 minutes in which to wrap things up and get off. That didn't work out. We were getting frustrated with each other over switching back and forth. So we came to a new agreement. He would have 3 hours of time to play each day. I started noticing issues with this almost immediately. He would spend 3 consecutive hours staring at a screen. It was affecting his mood, meal times, etc. I brought my concerns to him and we came up with a new agreement. This one was that he could play for 3 hours total each day, but at a maximum of 1.5 hours at a time, with an equal amount of time away from the computer between session. This worked out alright for a while, particularly in the winter when we weren't leaving the house much. We would play with him. Bug learned how to play by watching and Josh even let him play and helped him figure everything out. Good times. But the 3 hour total time was nagging at my mommy conscience. Especially in the spring when there is so much fun to be had outside. I talked with Josh again about my thoughts and feelings. We came up with a great system. He would get 1 hour of computer time each day, and then he could work for more if he wanted. We made a list of chores he could do around the house and their value- both in Minecraft Time and dollars- from which he could choose to be paid. This was completely voluntary, not at all coerced. He loves the agreement, as do I. Last night Papa and I were talking about some reading I'd done on Waldorf education (for this week's Education Freedom Report, make sure to check it out), specifically the exclusion of technology and the idea of encouraging children's creativity by not exposing them to stories to imitate. Josh overheard, and later lying in bed he asked us if we could come up with a new agreement. He found value in what we'd been discussing and suggested he didn't use any screens until after 3pm each day. Sounds great to me. So this "no rules" thing isn't chaotic and hands off. It isn't raising feral children. For us, it is starting at the assumption that full freedom for self-regulation is best, then making adjustments if and when we see issues arise. It is flexible and adaptive. It takes everyone's needs and preferences into account, and changes along with them. It is us helping the kids to notice things about themselves and their behaviors. It is us helping the kids connect the dots between cause and effect. It is us helping them come up with and implement a plan that best serves their development. It is working together respectfully and lovingly.

We All Struggle

Lest anyone should get the impression that our household is always calm and peaceful and wonderful, with the boys spouting off cutesie phrases to me, and me handling every conflict with grace and patience, let me assure you it is not like that. No. It is not like that. 

I, too, fall victim to that internet mommy blog thing where we're really excited to share all the good times, and less excited to share the tough times. Mostly because, well, they're tough and all my energy is being put into dealing with it.

I, too, look at other pages sometimes and think, "Wow, that family really seems to have it all together. Why don't I have it all together like that? Why am I struggling just to throw some food in front of the kids, or change my clothes?"

Sometimes I struggle. Lately I've been short and impatient with Josh (9y) to the point that I'm just being mean sometimes. And he lets me know how he feels about that, and we get into arguments over it.

But the important thing to note is that those arguments are much more civil than they used to be. He is much more effective at communicating for himself, and I am much less of an oppressive jerk. So I (and my amazing friends) remind myself to focus on the positive. We don't have it all together, and we aren't a magically peaceful household, but we're doing better than we used to and we keep trying to do even better than we do now.

Remembering that (and a strong cup of coffee) helps me sit proudly in the yoga pants I've been wearing all week. It's still too early for standing. ;) Hugs and love to you all.

Sweet Comments Before Bed

Last night I fell asleep hearing the following things murmured from my half asleep kiddos- 

Josh (9y)- I snuggle my blanket when I sleep and sometimes I dream it's you. 

Bug (3y)- Mom, you're my friend. I'll snuggle you. 

Josh- Want a back rub to help you fall asleep? 

Bug- You're my good friend, mom. We're friends together.

Talk about making a mom feel great!

Another Sex Talk on the Way to Get Ice Cream

I was reminded of the "Sex Talk" article I shared last week while we were driving to get milk shakes tonight. Here's the conversation Josh and I had.

Josh (age 9)- So you were 19 when you became a parent, and your mom was 17 when she became a parent. Do you think I will still be in my teens when I become a parent?

Me- I love being your mother and all it has taught me, but I do hope you will be older before you have kids. It was really hard becoming a parent so young. I think it would be easier for you to be sure not to get anyone pregnant.

Josh- Hmm.

Me- Do you know what you could do to prevent getting a girl pregnant?

Josh- I don't think so.

Me- Well, when you put your penis inside a girls vagina and ejaculate, that's when the sperm leaves your body and goes to meet the egg. You could have sex other ways, like use your hands instead, which can be just as fun. Or you could wear a condom. That goes over your penis and keeps the sperm from getting to the egg. Really you should use a condom every time you have sex, because you can get diseases from people without one. When you're married and only having sex with one person for the rest of your life, then you don't have to worry about diseases so much.

Josh- Hmmm. So were you married to my biological father?

Me- I was.

Josh- But then you got divorced.

Me- Yes. Another thing I hope you never have to go through. It was heartbreaking and very hard for everyone. We were young and had no idea what love was about, or what marriage was about.

Josh- So why did you get married if you had no idea what marriage was about?

Me- Oh we THOUGHT we knew. We thought we knew a lot of things. I think that's part of being young, thinking you know a lot more than you really do.

Josh- But then you did and you were like, "WHOA!"

Me- Yeah, we were like, "Whoa! We had no idea! This is not working out like we thought it would."

Josh- Hmmmm.

.........

No need for a "big talk" about the "big" things in life. A series of smaller, relaxed conversations is the better way to go, in my opinion.

Buying Everything for Jupiter Cake

Just bought allthethings to make an epic cake model of Jupiter, a project I am very excited to do with Josh (9y), about which we have been taking all morning. 

As we pulled up to the house, though, Josh asked, "Do you really want me to make the cake with you?" "Uh, yes, of course!" "Okay, I'll do it," he sighed.

"What's up? You sound like you don't want to anymore."

"Well, I kinds of want to go play at my friend's house now."

"Okay, well go do that and we can make the cake later. Anytime, really, now that we have everything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, I'll be home by 7."

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty bummed. But I know if his heart isn't in it while we're working on it, he's not going to remember nearly as much as if he does it when he's excited again.

Discovering Distortions

We love watching VSauce on youtube, and recently we watched this video on distortion. Like many things we watch, it was interesting at the time, but even more interesting as a bit of information tucked away for later.

Last night before bed we were doing our nightly exercises. Josh (9y) was doing jumping jacks and counting in Spanish. For whatever reason he wanted me to video tape him doing this, so I pulled out my phone and hit record. I noticed there was a delay from his actions to the same action on the screen, and called him over to hold the phone while I (tried and failed) did jumping jacks. "Whoa! It's just like that video on VSauce!"

We spent the next while experimenting with making delays on the camera. Josh discovered it was easier to see when the object was farther away and moving faster than up close and slowly.

Bug (3y) even noticed that the reflection of the fan spinning in the mirror spins the opposite direction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQ0hS7l9ckY&list=UU6nSFpj9HTCZ5t-N3Rm3-HA

Learning Inspired by the Keyboard

Josh (9y) is playing on his electric keyboard. It has all sorts of songs in it's memory bank, and lately he's been fixated on Pachelbel's Canon. The keyboard also simulates all sorts of instruments. His favorite lately is the harpsichord. 

So I pulled up a recording online of Pachelbel's Canon performed by a string quartet. Then he wanted to hear it on a real harpsichord, so of course we did that. Then he wanted to see how a harpsichord worked, how it is different from a piano. Next I explained to him why it was called Canon "In D", and showed him a quick rundown of scales.

Satisfying his curiosity and filling the house with beautiful music- Double win. It isn't always this mess-free and relaxing. ;)

My Interaction with Another Mom at Target

How many times has a stranger out in public made a snide remark about your peacefully parenting? I know it has happened to me and it made me feel so angry and so deflated at the same time. Tears of rage and embarrassment were barely contained long enough to get back to my car. 

Now how often has a stranger out in public said something positive about your peacefully parenting? For me, never. I feel like this has to change. We have to be more supportive of each other, our fellow parents, as we each make this journey.

While I was getting groceries last week I saw a woman with two small girls stopped in the entryway. One of the girls was having a bit of a meltdown, and the mom was kneeling down at her level talking her through it. We passed by, but later happened to walk by them again in the store.

I'm usually pretty shy, but I'm becoming more bold in my peaceful parenting advocacy, so I said, "Hi. Um, Excuse me." She looked over at me. "I just wanted to say it was really refreshing, seeing you being patient with your daughter earlier."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me. Its just so hard sometimes," she responded. Tears were welling up in my eyes too. "I know. It is SO hard. But it's worth it." She nodded. "Yes, it is." Then we awkwardly parted, not sure whether to hug each other or just say goodbye.

For all the patience, love, support, and understanding we strive to give our children doesn't it just make sense for us to treat our fellow adults the same way? Isn't that how we're hoping our children will still treat each other when they're grown? Let's be a good example for them, and show them kindness is not just for children. It's for everyone.

Dale's Rant on STAAR Testing

This popped up in my newsfeed yesterday-

"I just wanted to say good luck to all the Texas students who are taking the STAAR test tomorrow, and *burn in Hell* to the political bureaucrats who mandated this idiotic test that has taken over our educational system and replaced it will drills to pass a test that in no way measures or improves actual life skills.

I was a great student in school, and I probably would have acted like passing the test should be a given, but now as a parent I realize the error of my childhood views: You will never encounter anything like a test in your career. There will always be resources to refer to during any task, allowing you to make the most of whatever your personal manner of thinking might be.

So yes, go to fiery Hell, Texas Board of Education. You have managed to turn even our best and brightest young minds into ones that despise the educational process. You've replaced their joy of learning with anxiety about a test that only serves the purpose of distributing funding. May your own jobs be challenged yearly by a series of tests that, if you fail, you lose not only your livelihood, but your entire future standing in the job market as well. That's basically what you're doing to our children. Screw you."
-Dale Crawford