This weekend we saw a presentation at Voice & Exit by a couple who were striving to raise their child peacefully. I want to share two of their stories.
The first, their young daughter was hitting the
mother. They couldn't figure out why and didn't know how to handle the
situation peacefully. Friends and family suggested they swat her or
spank her. They decided instead to remain curious and questioning
about their daughter's behavior. With time and patience they learned
their daughter was frustrated when Daddy was on his phone or computer,
so she was hitting Mommy to get his attention. Once they figured this
out they were able to resolve the situation peacefully.
second story they shared. The father was spanked as a child and was one
of those people who thought he "turned out alright". It was only after
much introspection that they found unintended consequences to his being
spanked that were still affecting him in his adult life. As a child he
would get spanked when he told his parents he did something wrong, so he
started lying about his innocence to avoid punishment. This conditioned
him to be afraid to tell the truth when he made mistakes for fear of
physical punishment. As an adult, he lied to his partner about truths he
thought she'd find upsetting. Obviously, that only compounded the
problem. Thankfully they were able to find the root of these issues and
work through them.
Food for thought.