I see a lot of "how do you handle... insert situation... peacefully?" type questions. I'd like to make a general statement about how I'd answer.
If you are dealing with your children being violent,
the first step is to take violence off the table as an option for
everyone. If you are dealing with your children being disrespectful, the
first step is to make treating each other with respect an expectation
for everyone. There can't be different rules for the children and the
adults. We can't expect then to pick up behavior we don't model for
The next step is to remember that the children are
following your example. You will have to be consistent in the positive
example for a good amount of time before they will start to change. This
means you will have to put on your big girl (or boy) panties, be the
mature adult, and treat your children respectfully even when they don't
show you respect. Keep your voice calm even when they yell. Do not hit
them for hitting their sibling. Be the change you want to see in them.
Parenting is hard. Changing how you parent is even harder. Trust me, I know. It sucks. But you can do it. It is worth it.