Thursday, September 5, 2013

An Apology

I owe you all an apology.

When I started Kicking It Unschool, it was on blogspot (still is, actually). I was a mother poised at the edge of the rabbit hole about to jump with both feet. I knew we were in for a journey, and I wanted to document it. I shared the link with our family because I knew they had questions about why we were pulling Josh (8y) out of school, and why we were basically changing every aspect of our lives as we then knew them. I didn't expect them to read it, and never imagined strangers would read it either. It was for me. No, it was for my boys. One day I could share it with them as a way of saying, "Hey, this parenting thing is hard. I messed up, but I tried my best, even when it was hard. Here is a peak into a part of your lives you likely don't remember, and a version of me you may not otherwise have known."

I didn't take the time to learn to format well on blogspot (sad, right? it's really simple), so adding pictures and videos and what not was irritating. I decided to move to Facebook. It started out alright, but then I fell victim to the numbers. People started liking the page. Other pages I hold in high regard shared my things. THEY liked my page. People seemed interested in what I had to say. And so I lost sight of documenting our journey and started "advocating" for our particular lifestyle.

I started paying attention to allllll the numbers Facebook gave me. Which cities have the most fans? Which countries? How many people saw this post or that? I enjoy every one here, but if I am spending even a minute of my time and energy thinking about Facebook stats, it is one minute too many. It is a minute away from my family and my real responsibilities.

I noticed if I didn't post for a few days my numbers went down, so I started posting sub-par material to fill empty days. I made pictures, because those tend to be more popular, but I didn't care enough to make them really great. I wrote about ideas I had, but didn't take the time to really express my thoughts. I have effectively turned this into a half-assed journal for my inner ramblings, fueled by the hopes of getting anyone to click that "like" button. I have abandoned my original goal of documenting our journey.

I apologize to you. I apologize to my kids. I am sorry I became distracted by the shiny numbers. I need to take a step back and regroup. For the interim period I will schedule some older, truer to my original goal, posts to run on a loop. Unless you've followed for a year now, it will likely be new to you. Thank you all for sticking with me, showing your support, and helping me grow as a person. I will let you know when I decide how things will proceed once I figure it out myself (it may be here, I may move back to blogspot, who knows).

Love and Peace,
Mama Bear

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