A Plain White Piece of Paper

I had this grand idea I would make family scrapbooks for each calendar year, so I gathered up all the papers and pictures and what-nots which have been stored in boxes and files for years.

There was a ton of stuff, so I started sifting through it deciding only to keep things which had a special memory attached. Josh (8y) had a mountain of drawings and journal writings from when he attended daycar ...e and public school from age 3 through first grade. I'm going through them (with his permission of course) thinking- trash, trash, trash, trash, Hmmmm, maybe I'll keep this, trash, trash, trash. It wasn't that they weren't great, they just held no sentimental value to either of us.

Then I came to Bug's things (he's 2y), and found a plain white piece of paper with little cuts along each edge. Of course I'd be keeping this! I remember sitting with him patiently while he figured out how to work the scissors, using both hands. He wanted me to hold the paper up for him while he figured out the right angle for the scissors. I'll never forget the concentration on his face or how excited he was when he got into a groove.

That's when I realized, the reason I kept almost nothing from five years of Josh's life is because I wasn't there. I wasn't there with him to share experiences, to witness his discoveries, to make those memories. I was working. Money needed to be made, but I will never get those years with him back. My heart aches for them. I imagine it always will.