Our Family's Journey to Peaceful Parenting and Unschooling.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
The Boys Work It Out Themselves
want to share an experience from yesterday. One of Josh's neighbor
friends was over and they were in his room. Friend came out looking
upset, paused at the door to leave, but then came to talk to me.
Friend- Josh has been playing his Wii all week and isn't playing with me. ... Me- It looks like that upsets you. Friend- Yeah...... Me- Did you come tell me because you want me to help you talk to him? Friend- Yes.
So we went into Josh's room to get a conversation going.
Me- Friend, how about you tell Josh how you're feeling. Friend- You've been playing Wii for a week now and not playing with your friends. Me- Well, that sounds more like what Josh is doing. Can you tell him how you're feeling? Try starting your sentence with "I".
Friend- I want to play with you but I don't want to play Wii. I've been
inside for 7 hours and I want to go outside. It makes me feel sad that
you don't want to play with me. Me- Josh did you hear what he said? Josh- Yes. Me- So how about you tell him how you're feeling. Josh- Well, I want to play with you too, but I didn't get much sleep last night so I want to stay inside. Me- Okay. Friend, if you got to pick what to do, what would you choose? Friend- Going outside to play football. Me- And Josh, if you got to pick what to do, what would you choose? Josh- Staying inside. Maybe we could play legos. Me- Alright, you both chose different things. You'll need to come to a compromise. Friend, what is your first counter-offer?
This went back and forth for a while, with many creative ideas thrown
out there, but Friend insisted on being outside while Josh insisted on
being inside. I had a feeling my being in the room was hindering their
Me- Well guys, you may just be at an impasse. You
may want to consider playing separately today and trying again tomorrow.
Either way, I think you've got the hang of this, so I'll leave you to
I went into the kitchen and 10 minutes later they
came running out to tell me they came to an agreement. They were SO
proud of themselves.
Josh- Mom! We're going outside!
Friend- Yeah! Josh wanted to play video games, and I wanted to play
outside, so we came up with playing tag as video game characters. Josh- Yeah, and we'll have powers. Me- Alright! You two have fun!
Josh didn't grow up with a good example from us. He's only had one for
the last year or so, and we're still learning ourselves. Friend comes
from a family much like ours used to be. I am so incredibly proud of
them for taking the format of respectful dialogue and resolving their