A Peak into the Past

Let me give you a peak into what our family life was like when Josh (8y) was in public school.

We had to wake him up very early, fight with him about getting dressed, brushing his teeth, eating breakfast, putting on shoes, and getting out the door. Maybe we had 10 minutes of good conversation in the car, but usually it was grumpiness or silence. I dropped him off at the door and away he went to ...school while I went to work.

Despite being an 'active' parent volunteering for class parties and field trips, I really had no idea what went on with him while he was at school save for the little bits he would rarely share with me, notes home, emails to the teacher, and the tri-yearly conferences.

Evenings were a mess of paperwork, homework, dinner, fighting over dinner, fighting over bath time, fighting over bedtime (which was unnaturally early since he had to get up so early the next morning).

Weekends, maybe we'd do something fun. Maybe we'd go out, visit friends, visit family, but even that had to be squeezed in between laundry, more homework, grocery shopping and the like.

Our lives were like a dissonant chord that would occasionally resolve. We lived a life of stress and conflict punctuated by brief moments of happiness and togetherness.

That was not the life and relationship I had dreamed of when I wanted to have children. That was not what I imagined during the months of trying to conceive. That was not what would make all the aches and pains of pregnancy and childbirth, or the struggles of caring for an infant worth it. That was not good enough for us. And so we stopped.

Now, we live a life of happiness and togetherness punctuated by brief moments of stress and conflict. This is the life of which I'd dreamed. These are the relationships I'd imagined. This life is worth every sacrifice. This life is great.