Friday, November 14, 2014

Mourning the Loss of my Anonymity

I feel like I'm sounding like a broken record over here. It's been a while since I've posted anything.

You may not care to hear ALL of my inner ramblings, but I've come to find out how much it really helps me to dump them all out. And if just one person out there feels something, a connection, like they're not alone, then its worth it to me to share things so publicly.

One thing I've been grappling with for the last while is that I've made in-person friends with people I've met here, and that some already real-life friends have discovered it is indeed me, the lady sitting across from them at the peaceful parenting meet up where they've just shared an intimate story, writing these posts.

Losing my anonymity here is more difficult than I'd expected. The things I share about our family can be very intimate, and occasionally I'll share my thoughts about something I see happening with other people. I want to always be honest in my writing. And honestly, the prospect of looking into the eyes of another mom at a play date and knowing she knows all about the inner struggle I had the night before is terrifying. It's worse than being on stage naked, I've bared my soul. I worry that people who know us may feel differently about the boys because of something I've shared instead of by their own interactions with them.

Also, I don't want any of my friends to feel they can't be comfortable around me in case I may choose to write about a situation I share with them (not that I think this blog is THAT big of a deal, and not that I'd cast anyone I care about in a negative light, but I do care about their feelings).

And so I haven't written. But I find that I'm missing out on something by not recording the moments that move me, so I've decided this is important enough to me to continue and invest more time into. I really appreciate all of you who have been here since I started writing, everyone who has supported me and helped me grow, and I look forward to sharing our journey with you some more.

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