Lemonade Money

 I got a great reminder from Bug (age 5) today. Yesterday we had drive thru for dinner and he got lemonade. This morning he said he wanted more, and I reminded him he didn't have any money left and didn't get paid again until Sunday. He asked why I bought him lemonade yesterday but wouldn't today, so I told him because it was my responsibility to provide him his meals, but I would be providing him meals at home today. He then asked how much a lemonade cost. I off-hand said $2.00 without giving it any real consideration.

The day went on with no more mention of it until this evening when he got out his bunny bank and counted $2.00 in coins to use for buying himself a lemonade.

The thing that resonated with me was that he'd really been thinking about something I told him off-hand. It reminded me to always be honest and answer questions carefully and sincerely. It reminded me how important it is to be as precise as I can with my language, to be careful using metaphors and be sure to explain them. I was reminded how powerful my words can be to them as they work to put everything around them together and navigate the world. I never know which words will be the ones they mull around and pick apart and make into their inner voices.

I would have felt terrible if we'd gotten to the restaurant and he hadn't brought enough to buy himself a drink. Thankfully it was $1.89. I know it might seem a trivial thing, but I think trust is a delicate thing and I can see how not taking his question seriously could have been a chip away at that relationship.

Little Caregiver

 [Bug] bought himself a stuffed pikachu yesterday, and today he's taught him how to play on the playground, tucked him in for a nap, and bandages his injuries.

My first thought was "awwww, he's going to be great parent some day." Then I thought, well, what if he doesn't want to have kids? He'll be a great caregiver. Maybe he'll care for animals or the elderly.

Then I thought some more. Who knows what he'll do with his life. Maybe he won't want to do any sort of caregiver work. For a moment I was trapped into thinking about him in the future instead of seeing him right now.

He is an excellent caregiver RIGHT NOW. He is fully a human being RIGHT NOW. He is uniquely himself RIGHT NOW.

It is so hard to break the habit of thinking about everything my kids do in terms of how it MIGHT impact their future, instead of seeing them and reacting to them right now, in this moment, without the anxieties and fears of the "what ifs" and the assumptive (often setting up for disappointment) "what could be's".

Thanks for the reminder, little caregiver.

 I wrote this years ago and just stumbled across it again. Perhaps others here have felt the same way.

When we first withdrew Josh from the public school system, we were met with some opposition from family. Out of love, they were concerned about whether we were doing what was best for him.

Now, 2 years later, we are still met with the same opposition as family members bring up their concerns yet again. I used to feel their concerns were out of love, but now I have trouble not feeling offended. I look at our children and think, what on earth do they see in them which makes them feel like we are making poor choices? They are healthy, happy, polite, respectful, courteous, (what others would deem 'well-behaved'). The speak intelligently. We have great dialogues. We don't have to coerce them into learning. We negotiate our problems. There is nothing which should give them the impression we are doing something wrong.

In contrast, when we used to send Josh to school and we would complain, "I got a call from his teacher today, he's acting up in school again. We tried spanking, we've grounded him, taken away his toys.This kid is out of control!" they never questioned our approaches. That was the "normal, acceptable" approach to parenting, so obviously we were doing the best that we could, and it was "normal" to be having such struggles with our son.

Now, seeing how home education works better for us, I think it actually upsets them that we DON'T struggle anymore. They may think- "I see them doing something different, and it works for them. What I did didn't work as well for me. Maybe I made a poor choice. But I don't want to question my choices, because that's too painful. So instead I'm going to question their choices. That's easier for me to deal with in my mind right now."

This situation is very frustrating for me. Home education has been the most positive life changing choice we have made. I can't force them to see that, but I can be patient and compassionate toward them as they hopefully work through their issues. After all, I used to think all homeschoolers were weird and look at me now, advocating for home education. We all start somewhere.

Cumulative Emotions

I realized yesterday how cumulative emotions are. Bug (5) got really upset by something I'd said, and was expressing his upset by crying and yelling and stomping. I sat with him for probably 20 minutes while he worked it all out. That might seem like a long time to be upset about something most people would find trivial, but it's what he needed. And now that he's expressed it fully, he doesn't carry it around with him to add to the next time he feels those feelings.

In working through my own past repressed feelings, I can say it's really hard. And it takes so much time. So much time, because it all adds up. Like rollover minutes, lol. So when you're in the throws of your child's emotions, maybe keep that in mind. You're doing yourself and them a huge favor by holding space for them to safely express themselves. All feelings are valid.