This Moment...

A moment I want to remember forever, so I'm writing it down...

It's raining. Bug (2y) is outside running merrily and yelling, "Momma, come run with me!" So, naturally, I run around in the rain with him. This continued for a while until we decided to come in and warm up in the shower (strangely it is 70 degrees in July).

 I should mention here that we don't shampoo our hair. Instead we have peri-bottles of baking soda and apple cider vinegar solutions.

 So I'm holding Bug on my hip, washing his hair in the shower when he grabs the ACV bottle and squirts it in my hair. He proceeds to rub it into my head and says, "Momma, I washing you hair." So much love, tenderness, and caring wrapped up in that moment.

One Minute's Patience

We were out today having a late lunch, and it was time for us to move on to the next activity. Bug (2y) however, was not ready to leave. He was enjoying playing on the bench outside. I asked him nicely to come with me to the car, which he kindly declined. I had that compulsion to just grab him and carry him to the car, most likely kicking and screaming.

Instead, I waited and counted in my head to see about how long it would take him to decide to come along on his own.

Less than 60 seconds.

He finished up playing on the bench, hopped down, and toddled along his merry way to the car with me. How much stress and hassle would have come from me grabbing him against his will? Would violating him like that have been worth one minute? I don't think so. Maybe in another situation if safety was a concern, but certainly not this one.

How many conflicts could we avoid if we took a deep breath and had one minute's worth of patience?

Josh and Chores

Josh (8y) is not asked to do chores. So it should come as no surprise to hear that he woke up before the rest of us (Bug and I were up most of the night), watered the garden, picked some squash and cucumbers, fed the fish, made himself breakfast, and got dressed before quietly tip-toeing into the bedroom to check on Bug and me.

Fighting Impulses

I grew up in a very argumentative family. Nothing I ever said or did was taken for truth without being questioned and inspected. My dad was "never wrong", and to this day has never admitted anyone has been "more right" than he was.

Though I haven't talked to my dad more than 3 times a year for the last 5 or so years, this still has an impact on how I parent my boys.

When Josh (8y) says something as simple as, "This box of q-tips is almost empty." I compulsively think, "No its not! I need to check." This is seriously something my dad would have said and done. And that's something insignificant, really, so now imagine my gut reaction to bigger things.

We've been working on changing our parenting for over a year now, yet still I fight this impulse on a daily basis. I have it much more under control now. I recognize what's going on in my mind and why. An outsider, even a close friend, likely wouldn't recognize the effort that goes into a simple statement like, "Okay honey, I'll put it on the shopping list." Our childhood experiences are deeply rooted and take time to work through. We keep on taking it one day at a time.

Josh's Cookie Business

An example of natural consequences-

Josh and his neighbor friend wanted to make some money, so they decided to sell cookies. Josh and I went to the store to research prices of each ingredient, then came home to do the math on how much each batch cost us.

Me- Okay, we know how much each recipe batch costs, but since you're selling by the dozen we need to make the cookies to see how many each batch yields. Don't go around telling people prices until we know how many dozen are in each batch.
Josh- Alright.

 .... He goes off to play while I mix the cookie dough. We'd agreed on this arrangement. Later both boys come back inside.

Me- Alright, each batch made 3 dozen, so each dozen is costing you $2.33. You'll want to charge a percentage over that cost. That is your profit margin.
Josh-- Uh....Well, we already told everyone each dozen was going to cost $2.
Me- Why did you do that? I'd specifically asked you not to do that.
Josh- Well, we were just anxious to get the money so we went to all the customers and let them know we'd deliver today.
Me- You could let them know your mistake when you receive payment and see if they're willing to pay more.
Josh- Well...
Me- Did you already get money too?
Josh- Yes.
Me- Where is it?
Josh- In our pockets.
Me- Well, you owe me $2.33 for each dozen ordered for the cost of ingredients, so you can go ahead and hand me the money you have. You will need to honor your price to the customers who have already paid also. So basically you've lost money today.
Josh- *sighing, handing over cash* Alright.

Word quickly spread through the neighborhood kid network on what had happened, and 3 of his 5 customers gave him a couple extra dollars. He paid up the $11.65 for the ingredients without any fuss

Stolen Cupcakes

When things are stolen....

To set the scene, the boys each got to pick a snack while we were grocery shopping Friday. Josh (8y) picked a 4 count box of cupcakes, and Bug (2y) picked a bag of cookies.

Last night, after Bug went to bed, Josh discovered that one of his cupcakes was missing its frosting. Neither Papa nor I had eaten it, so it was concluded that Bug must have done it. Josh was quite... upset, and rightly so. We comforted him, suggested he talk with Bug about it in the morning, and suggested he keep his snacks on a higher shelf in the future.

The morning comes, both boys wake up, and Josh goes straight to the pantry to pull out his cupcakes.

Josh- Bug, come here please.
Bug- Hey Joshy.
Josh- Bug, you ate one of my cupcakes without permission.
Bug- Yeah....
Josh- Bug, these are mine. You can't eat my snacks without permission.
Bug- *stares at Josh*
Josh- Can you tell me you're sorry?
Bug- Okay.
Josh- No, say you're sorry.
Bug- Okay.
Me- Josh, you can't make him say he's sorry. He will say it if he really feels that way.
Josh- But I want him to say it!
Me- You can't expect that of him. It won't be sincere if you make him say it.
Josh- Ugh!

Meanwhile, while Josh and I are having this exchange, Bug pulled his cookies out of the pantry and handed one to Josh.

Bug- Heeya go, Joshy.
Josh- Oh...Oh! Thanks!
Me- That is his way of saying he's sorry. Do you see that?
Josh- Yeah. Okay.

Bug Learns About Pollination

Conversations with a two year old-
Me- Want to water the garden?
Bug- Yeah! Oooh, where's the cucumbers?
Me- You want to see the cucumbers? 
Bug- Yes. I need two cucumbers.
Me- Oh, you want to pick some? Let's find some that are ripe.
Bug- Oooh, dis one!
Me- Okay, twist him.
Bug- Twist 'em! Twist 'em!
Me- Oh, see the bees flying in the flowers?
Bug- Yeah. He getting in da flower?
Me- Yes, he's getting pollen on his feet. Then he's going to get in another flower. He's pollinating the flowers.
Bug- He's powwinating? In the powwen?
Me- Yes, he's helping the plants make more fruit.
Bug- Making more cucumbers?
Me- Yes.
Bug- Oh look! 'Nother bee. He's powwinating!
Me- Yep!
Bug- Where's my two cucumbers? Oh! Here they are! I'ma go wash them, okay Mama?
Me- Okay. Do you want to eat him.
Bug- Yes, I eat dis one!

 Learning everywhere.