Not Back to School

Today is the "last day of summer" and the neighborhood kids will be headed back to school Monday. I'd like to pose a hypothetical question to my fellow neighborhood parents, and those of you here who might be in the same situation.

What if the kids didn't go back to school? How would you have spent the last few weeks, and what would you do on Monday and beyond?

Here are some things we haven't been doing over the last few weeks- buying new wardrobes of "back to school clothes", battling crowds to buy school supplies, searching for a parking spot a mile away from the school for "meet the teacher night", wondering what to wear on the first day, trying to get the kids to bed early to acclimate to their upcoming early wake up call, worrying about who will be in our class, worrying about whether the teacher is nice or mean, spending a fortune on yearbook preorders, school directories, PTA dues, spirit wear and other such nonsense.

What we have been doing- playing at the splash park, visiting the Science Center, going to play dates with friends, visiting family, going to the library, rearranging furniture, building legos, sending emails, writing stories, playing Dragonbox, eating when we're hungry, and sleeping when we're tired.

Come Monday we'll keep doing the same thing. The first weeks of August need'nt be hectic or stressful. The life your family has been living over summer need'nt end if you don't want it to.

Stroke of Genius...maybe

Yesterday I either had a stroke of genius or we're just so behind technologically that I got over-excited about what others consider obvious. I'm still not sure which yet.

I upgraded my phone over the weekend. The old one had lived a full life, sustaining more than its fair share of abuses and neglects from both myself and the kids. Anywho, I took out the sim card and did a factory reset. Once th ...at was done, I gave it to Josh and showed him how to connect to the Wifi, set up his email, and reload the games he liked to play (DragonBox and Unblock Me are favorites).

So now, for free (sort of), he has a phone that will dial 911 should he be in an emergency without me, he can email or search google when connected to wifi, he has a camera, and he can play games. We'd been considering getting him a tablet for his birthday, but now there's really no need.

Like I said, maybe genius, maybe we're just really behind the times. Either way I thought I'd pass along the idea in case you have old phones sitting around.

An Apology

I owe you all an apology.

When I started Kicking It Unschool, it was on blogspot (still is, actually). I was a mother poised at the edge of the rabbit hole about to jump with both feet. I knew we were in for a journey, and I wanted to document it. I shared the link with our family because I knew they had questions about why we were pulling Josh (8y) out of school, and why we were basically changing every aspect of our lives as we then knew them. I didn't expect them to read it, and never imagined strangers would read it either. It was for me. No, it was for my boys. One day I could share it with them as a way of saying, "Hey, this parenting thing is hard. I messed up, but I tried my best, even when it was hard. Here is a peak into a part of your lives you likely don't remember, and a version of me you may not otherwise have known."

I didn't take the time to learn to format well on blogspot (sad, right? it's really simple), so adding pictures and videos and what not was irritating. I decided to move to Facebook. It started out alright, but then I fell victim to the numbers. People started liking the page. Other pages I hold in high regard shared my things. THEY liked my page. People seemed interested in what I had to say. And so I lost sight of documenting our journey and started "advocating" for our particular lifestyle.

I started paying attention to allllll the numbers Facebook gave me. Which cities have the most fans? Which countries? How many people saw this post or that? I enjoy every one here, but if I am spending even a minute of my time and energy thinking about Facebook stats, it is one minute too many. It is a minute away from my family and my real responsibilities.

I noticed if I didn't post for a few days my numbers went down, so I started posting sub-par material to fill empty days. I made pictures, because those tend to be more popular, but I didn't care enough to make them really great. I wrote about ideas I had, but didn't take the time to really express my thoughts. I have effectively turned this into a half-assed journal for my inner ramblings, fueled by the hopes of getting anyone to click that "like" button. I have abandoned my original goal of documenting our journey.

I apologize to you. I apologize to my kids. I am sorry I became distracted by the shiny numbers. I need to take a step back and regroup. For the interim period I will schedule some older, truer to my original goal, posts to run on a loop. Unless you've followed for a year now, it will likely be new to you. Thank you all for sticking with me, showing your support, and helping me grow as a person. I will let you know when I decide how things will proceed once I figure it out myself (it may be here, I may move back to blogspot, who knows).

Love and Peace,
Mama Bear

A Disappointing Day

Whenever I talk about how we don't have "rules" (instead we have principles) or how we don't use a punishment/reward system in disciplining the kids, there are always a few people who respond something like, "Kids need to learn about disappointment, heartache, etc and that life isn't fair."

My response is this. Kids will learn about disappointment, heartache, etc and that life isn't fair. They wi ll learn this naturally, by living. There is no need for us, as parents, to create artificial consequences to teach those lessons. Life presents these situations without any help from us.

For example, yesterday was National Aviation Day and we had plans to go to a flight museum. It isn't exactly near our house, so we made the trek out, parked the car, coaxed Bug from his seat, hiked in the sun and heat across the parking lot to the front door only to find the museum was closed on Mondays. Both the kids, and Papa and I, were really disappointed.

Alright, we'd driven all this way, what else could we do in the area? The kids wanted to play at the mall, so we headed that way. While they're enjoying pretzels and the play area I notice there is a movie theater in the mall and look up show times. According to my phone, Planes was starting in 5 minutes. Maybe we could still have an Aviation themed day after all! Everyone is excited, and we ran alllllllll the way across the mall to the theater only to find out the time on the site I'd checked was wrong and the movie isn't starting for another hour. Bummer. Again.

We ended up seeing another movie instead and got a giant popcorn to share. Just as we all sat down and the lights dimmed, Josh accidentally dropped the popcorn all over the floor. Bummer again.

So you see, our kids' are not sheltered from the negatives of life (although I admit these examples are definitely first world problems). The difference is that instead of creating situations in which our kids feel upset, sad, lonely, disappointed, etc, we are there to support them through their feelings and help them find healthy ways of working through them.

Accentuate the Positive!

TEDxBloomington - Shawn Achor - "The Happiness Advantage: Linking Positive Brains to Performance" www.youtube.com Shawn Achor is the winner of over a dozen distinguished teaching awards at Harvard University, where he delivered lectures on positive psychology in the most... What if there was a way you could increase your child's intelligence, creativity and energy by 31%? Okay, maybe we don't want to increase our kids' energy by 31%, they're already a lot to keep up with, right? As parents, how much time do we spend focusing on our children's education, wanting to give them every advantage? What if we focused on their happiness instead? Your brain in a positive state is 31% more productive than at negative, neutral, or stressed. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of joy and happiness, also turns on all the learning centers of the brain! We learn better when we're happy. How do we help our children become more positive? I think parenting peacefully and unschooling are great ways, but an integral part of that is being positive ourselves. 1. List 3 things for which you are grateful each day. 2. Journal about one positive experience each day. 3. Exercise 4. Meditate 5. Perform Random Acts of Kindness Do this for yourself. Do this for your kids. And listen to this guy. Not only does he have great ideas to share, he's funny too.

A Rant About The Uh-Oh Jar

I'm going to go on a bit of a rant this morning. I was on Pinterest yesterday and saw someone pin "The Uh-Oh Jar"- a jar in which you put slips of paper with "consequences". The pin's description- "Whining? Pull out a consequence. Talking back? Pull out a consequence. Not picking up your things? Pull out a consequence. Maybe you'll get "Your lucky day. No consequence THIS TIME."

Okay, seriously, please stop. Just stop the madness. This is not teaching. This is not good parenting. I know I used to parent with a rewards and punishment mentality, but now being on the other side these types of things just seem...desperate for control and almost egomaniacal.

Yes, every action has a consequence, but if you're having trouble with your child talking back, then artificially creating a consequence drawn at random of, say, "go to bed early" isn't going to help the issue. Not in a healthy, positive way.

Every conflict is an opportunity to learn, for everyone involved. Yes, that means you as well as your child. Maybe you speak disrespectfully to your child or others, and that is where they pick up the habit. Maybe your child is dealing with some big emotions. Maybe they never learned more appropriate communication skills. Also consider how you model behavior when you feel disrespected. When your child feels wronged, they won't have a jar of consequences to deal out to offenders.

Set your children up for success by teaching them skills to navigate the world appropriately. If they don't have those skills yet, it is not their fault. Take the opportunity to fulfill your responsibility to teach and nurture those skills.

A Conversation About Questions

I fear the conversation I'm about to share may lose us a few likes, but I hope you'll be able to move past the religious aspect and get to the point I was trying to make at the end.

While we were in Houston recently I was driving around with the kids, flipping through radio stations trying to find some good music when I heard the word "atheist." It caught my attention, so I stopped to listen. It was a Christian radio station and the speaker was talking about a recent survey showing 20% of Americans to have answered the question "With what religion do you associate yourself?" with "None." He then referred to a survey done in 1994 in which only 4% of Americans were atheist, secular, or without religion. He then started calling for a Christian revival. He was upset by these figures and the trend they suggested, and thought all Christians should be as well. They all needed to make more effort to "save" this 20%, and his suggestion was to focus on the children. I turned it off at that point and started talking to Josh (8y).

Me- Hey Josh, did you hear that? Apparently there was a survey done in which 20% of people in America said they weren't religious.

Josh- Oh, wow. We're part of that statistic.

Me- Well, we didn't take the survey, but yeah. What do you think about that?

Josh- That's pretty cool. What do you think?

Me- I'm pleasantly surprised the number was so high. The Christian man hosting the radio show wanted a revival. What do you think about that?

Josh- What is a revival?

Me- Well, I think he wants more Christians to preach their religion to more people, and convert more people to their way of thinking. He spoke specifically of targeting children, because if they can convince people when they're young that God exists, they'll be more likely to believe it when they grow up. So, what do you think about that?

Josh- Well, I don't know.

Me- Why do you think they want more people to believe in Christianity? Do you think they may be scared that 20% of people don't?

Josh- Maybe. Maybe they think that if we don't believe in God we can't be good people. Maybe they think since we don't believe in God we'll go to hell when we die.

Me- Maybe. So do you think they want us to believe in God because they care about us?

Josh- Maybe.

Me- Sometimes people get upset when we don't believe the same things they believe, because they may feel our disbelief calls their beliefs into question. It may cause them to ask questions, and some people aren't comfortable with that.

Josh- But questions are always good.

Me- Yes, questions are good. They help you find answers and help you seek the truth.

Josh- But they think they already know the truth.

Me- Yes, and it's not a good thing to think you know something to be truth, so you stop questioning it.

Josh- Questions are always good. When you're small you should start with small questions, like "What's one plus one?" then work your way up to bigger questions.

Me- Yeah, maybe, but it's good for you to think about big questions when you're young too. You have a unique perspective. You have a fresh outlook on life and the world. You may have some great ideas that older people may not have regarding the answers to big questions.

Josh- So we should ask big questions when we're young too.

Me- Yes, definitely. You should ask all sort of questions all the time, and you should continue revisiting those questions, because what you think may be the answer may change over time.