Bug Learns About Pollination

Conversations with a two year old-
Me- Want to water the garden?
Bug- Yeah! Oooh, where's the cucumbers?
Me- You want to see the cucumbers? 
Bug- Yes. I need two cucumbers.
Me- Oh, you want to pick some? Let's find some that are ripe.
Bug- Oooh, dis one!
Me- Okay, twist him.
Bug- Twist 'em! Twist 'em!
Me- Oh, see the bees flying in the flowers?
Bug- Yeah. He getting in da flower?
Me- Yes, he's getting pollen on his feet. Then he's going to get in another flower. He's pollinating the flowers.
Bug- He's powwinating? In the powwen?
Me- Yes, he's helping the plants make more fruit.
Bug- Making more cucumbers?
Me- Yes.
Bug- Oh look! 'Nother bee. He's powwinating!
Me- Yep!
Bug- Where's my two cucumbers? Oh! Here they are! I'ma go wash them, okay Mama?
Me- Okay. Do you want to eat him.
Bug- Yes, I eat dis one!

 Learning everywhere.

Sharing Cookies

A story about a toddler who's never been asked to share in his entire life. Bug, age 2- I needa cookie! Me- Okay, here you go. Josh, age 8- Ooooh, I want a cookie! Me- These are Bug's cookies, you'll need to ask him. Josh- Can I have a cookie, Bug? Bug- Here ya go! (hands cookie to Josh) I needa nudder cookie, Mama! Me- Here you go. About an hour later.... Bug- I needa cookie! Me- Here you go. Bug- No! I need TWO cookies! Me- Two cookies? Bug- I need TWO cookies! I need his cookie. Me- His cookie? Who's cookie? Bug- I need Joshy's cookie. Me- Oh, one for you and one for Josh? Here you go. Bug- Thanks! (takes second cookie to Josh, to Josh's surprise)

Book Recommendations

Two books I highly recommend are "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" and then "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn.

Moving away from using punishment or fear requires us to shift our way of thinking about our kids and their motivations. Are they simply exploring? Have we taught them the skills we would like to see them use in certain situations? Do we model those ski...lls regularly? We have to stop thinking of our kids as having ill-intentions, and rather see them as wanting to do well but without the skill set to do so. Have clearly stated expectations which are the same for everyone in the house. Ours are that you respect people and their property- you don't touch anyone or their things without permission- and you honor your agreements. So as long as no one is harming another person or their property they are not doing anything "wrong".

Back From Slacking

You may have been wondering where I've been lately or why I haven't been posting much. The truth is that some days I am in survival mode. Some days it is all I can do to keep the children fed and alive. I've been having a string of those days lately. We're not sleeping well, crazy things come up that we need to handle, etc. Do you ever feel like that? I think we all do at some point or another, and more than just once. It's part of life. When this happens I just take one day at a time and focus on the really important stuff. Are the kids' needs being met? Are my needs being met? If so, I'm doing well. The house can be cleaned later. New posts can be written later. Just about everything else can wait until later, as long as I focus on our family and the quality of our relationships first.

Why We Don't Spank

Why don't we spank our children? Well, we used to. We spanked Josh (8y) until he was 6 years old. I don't think I ever planned to spank him, but as he got older and had a will of his own, his own wants, his own plans, his own expectations, I didn't know how to incorporate that into our lives. I had a job to be at each morning, errands to run, chores to do, and I needed him to cooperate with my schedule. I had never learned peaceful techniques or armed myself with tools for encouraging cooperation, so I used what I knew from my childhood- fear and punishment.

It didn't work. The older he got, the less effective spanking became. His behavior may have been compliant for a while, but eventually the same behavior repeated. The punishments had to escalate to 'keep him in line' for any period at all. After reading and self-reflection, I now understand that fear of punishment doesn't encourage positive changes, it only encourages more care in not getting caught. Internal motivation is the key to positive change.

After much research and soul searching, we have many reasons why we do not spank the children. We teach them no one has the right to touch them without permission, in any way, especially not to hurt them, even us. Spanking would violate that principle. Spanking teaches that "might makes right", that if you are bigger or stronger than someone else you can force them to do whatever you want. Spanking does not encourage cooperative problem solving, communication, empathy, compassion, or negotiation, all of which are vital to healthy relationships.

I don't want our boys to think it is alright for violence to be part of a loving relationship. I don't want them to ever hit their partners or children. I don't want them to think it's alright if people they know hit their partners or children. I don't want them to make any decisions out of fear of me or Papa. I want them to be internally motivated to do well, not acting based on external factors. I want for them to be respectful people, and so we much model how people respect each other to them. I want to have a loving, connected relationship with them when they are grown, without any hard feelings or harsh memories between us.

These are the reasons we don't spank.

Josh's 1 Year Interview

Joshs 1 year interview

Please please pretty please let this file work!

I asked folks over at the Facebook page (www.facebook.com/Kickingitunschool) if they had any questions for Josh (8y) now that he's been unschooled for one year (as of May, when this interview was conducted. It has taken me this long to figure out how to get the file to post here. I am not internet savvy.).

You will notice he loses interest after a few minutes and decided to build Legos while answering his questions. I just went with it and did my best not to lead his answers.

So here it is, hopefully. Will someone please let me know if the link above works or not? Thank you! Enjoy!

Birthday Treasure Hunts

Our weekend was full of treasure hunts. It started with Papa sending me on a birthday adventure around town. Josh (8y) saw how fun that was for everyone involved and decided to make his own around the house.

He made riddles, wrote clues backward to be reflected in the mirror, used codes and other such fun. A pad of sticky notes, a pen, and some imagination made for some great memories.