Keeping Communications Open

Josh (8y), Bug (2y) and neighbor Joe (7y) were playing outside earlier today. Bug wanted a hula hoop, and neighbor Joe said he'd get him one. I said "Thanks Joe!" and went inside.

A minute later Josh came in looking a little upset.

Josh- Mom, you don't say thank you to me when I help Bug with things, but you said thank you to Joe. That's mean to me.

Me- You feel that I don't appreciate the things you do for Bug because I don't thank you? You're feeling unappreciated?

Josh- Yes. And that makes me feel bad, like I'm not part of the family.

Me- It isn't my intention to make you feel that way. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I'll be more mindful about this now.

Josh- Alright.

Me- I wouldn't have known how you feel if you hadn't brought it to my attention. Thank you for doing that. I'll do my best to thank you more often when you're helping.

Josh- Thanks Mom.

A Day in the Life of Josh

Here's what a typical day looks like for Josh, my unschooling 8 year old.

Yesterday he woke up around 11am and promptly ate "breakfast". Then he rode his scooter to the park with all of us. When we left the park he headed to his friend's house down the street. He was there for a couple hours maybe, I didn't really keep track.

When he came back home he ate something and watched tv for maybe an hour. After his show he headed to his room and played with legos and built a wooden t-rex puzzle. Then another friend came over to play so he headed back outside. The rest of the afternoon was a blur of playing at this person's house, or that person's house.

Around 7pm he came home for the evening and inhaled dinner. I had made chicken for everyone and saved him a plate. He hung our with everybody and was in and out of his room til 9ish. He checked his email while I put Bug down to bed. When I was done with Bug, Josh was in the garage working on his bicycle, taking the wheels off and on, messing with the chain, etc. Around 10:30 he came inside and washed up. I was ready for bed, but he wanted to watch a little tv. So he did. And he came to bed whenever he was finished.

I'm sharing this very unexciting day because sometimes we get hung up on all the amazing things we hear of other unschoolers doing and start comparing. And sometimes when we start comparing we start feeling like our kids are "behind" or "not as good as". While Josh does amazing things too, those moments come in spurts. He spends most of his time being an 8 year old kid. I truly feel it is having the freedom to just be a kid that allows for him to also dive into the more challenging things when the mood strikes him. They grow up so quickly, let them be kids while they can.

AFV Isn't Funny Anymore

Just watched America's Funniest Home Videos from last week on Hulu because of friend of mine was on there. The winning video was of a boy driving with his mom. They'd just left a restaurant and he had accidentally left with their plastic cup (not one of the free kid's cups). Apparently she told him she was going to have to call the police because he stole the cup.

He was hysterical. Tears streami...ng down his face, couldn't hardly breathe, pleading with his mother to please let him take it back to the restaurant. She calmly, while video taping him, said there was nothing she could do. As the host was congratulating them on their win, he mocked the boy while giving him a souvenir cup. The mother said she viewed the whole situation as a "teachable moment".

Teaching what exactly? Watching the video made me feel so awful for the boy. Seeing his mother win $10,000 for the ordeal made me sick to my stomach. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Josh Learns About Income Tax

In which Josh (8y) learns about income tax-

Josh was sitting with me as I finished up our taxes. He saw the dollar amount and exclaimed, "Is that how much money we're getting?!"

Me- "No dude, that's how much money we're paying."

Josh- "WHAT?! We have to send that much money to the government?!"

Me- "Yeah. It sucks, doesn't it?"

Josh- "Totally. We could do so much stuff with that money. Wait, what percent is that?"

Me- "15%"

Josh- "Hold on. So we have to pay them 15% of all the money Daddy made AND we pay them 8% every time we buy something? What is that about?!"

Me- "Exactly."

Josh goes to work with Papa

Josh (8y) went to work with Papa today, something unschooling and working for yourself allows for quite nicely. Josh asked if he could join Papa last night around 10pm. "You'll have to wake up early, I'm leaving at 6:30am," Papa told him. Although Josh normally sleeps til 10, 11, or later, he was alright with getting up at 6 to join Papa.

They both came in to kiss me goodbye before they left. "Go bring home some bacon," I told Josh. He was beaming with pride.

I'm reminded of other cultures in which it was normal for kids of Josh's age to go out with the adults and learn to provide for the family. They are allowed and expected to contribute to their family, and their community, as soon as they are able. There isn't the extended childhood and awkward adolescent stage we find in American culture.

I much prefer the go, do, live, learn attitude to the stop, stay, don't, wait attitude given to most kids. What are your thoughts?

Later that day...
Papa just posted this to his personal facebook page (fyi, he's a photographer and today they're taking children's pictures at a daycare)-

"So I'm at a Daycare with Josh, and he is STARVING!! We are waiting on one parent who said she would be by before lunch. It's nearing one o' clock and no sign of a parent. Everybody is napping, so Josh and I have a room to ourselves. I say, Josh would you like to man the sales table and cover while I get your lunch? He says. YES!! So I let the director know and she giggles and says ok. When I get back the director walks in with her husband and wants to pick out her package. Then, in walks the parent. I hand Josh her pictures and a price sheet. The Director and her husband started to laugh, and when they realized I wasn't joking they stopped and said, .... really?? The room went silent as Josh went selling away.
"The folio is usually $120.00. But you can have it for $100.00. Spring break special. But you really want the CD because you can make prints."
SOLD!

Teaching Bug Math

But how will they learn math?! Effortlessly my friend, effortlessly.

Sitting with Bug, 2 years old, and a magna-doodle...

Bug- *stamps three stars* Is it two stars, Mama?

Me- That's three stars, honey.

Bug- Oh, three stars. *erases two of the stars* Is it one star, Mama?

Me- That's right, that's one star.

Bug- *erases everything, stamps three stars again* Is it three stars, Mama?

Me- Yes, three stars.

Bug- *erases one star* Is it two stars, Mama? *erases another star* Is it one star, Mama?

Me- Yes. You had three stars, and after you erased two stars there is only one left.

Bug- Only one left, Mama!

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Support from Dayna Martin

Yesterday I was having a rough day, particularly with Josh (8y). We were getting short with each other. I felt myself reverting back to my old ways of thinking- "He needs to listen to me, I'm his mother! I'm going to punish him for acting like this!" Other things were adding to the frustration. Bug (2y) threw a glass on the floor and happily declared, "I broke it!" I was going under and I needed some help.

I'd been talking with Dayna Martin a while back, and she'd offered me a coaching session. Yesterday was the day to cash it in.

We talked on the phone that afternoon. Just to start, it felt so good talking with another mom who knew and understood what my goals are for our family, and who wasn't judging me. I told her about the situation with Josh that day, and the frustration of changing our parenting of him in general. Her response was eye-opening, relieving, and uplifting. I'd like to share it with you, because I think it will resonate with many here as well.

Paraphrased, obviously- It sounds like you're holding onto guilt about your past parenting choices with Josh. Know that his acting out in anger is not because of how you used to act toward him, but because he now has the freedom to express his full range of emotions. You've had 30 years to learn to control how you express your emotions, but he hasn't. He's learning and that's okay. This lifestyle isn't about being happy and perfect 100% of the time, my kids fight and get angry too, though it becomes less often as they get older. It's about having the freedom to feel your feelings and express them without fear.

Her words had me in tears. I hadn't realized how much guilt I was holding onto, nor the crazy ideal I was holding myself to. We talked for 30 minutes and, not to gush, but, she was a fountain of comfort and inspiration. She offers unschooling parenting sessions through her website if you'd be interested in contacting her as well.